Before Christmas, I tried the jellybeans.

Conservative estimates place the increase in my thoughts about jellybeans during exercise by at least 255,000%. 

(Conservatives assume I think about jellybeans all the time (instead of never), but who can blame them?)

All other conclusions are still awaiting further evidence, as I've only jellycized once.  That's hardly a comprehensive study.  It's nothing more than the fattest science I've rationalized before going home and eating every crystal of sugar humanity could throw at me. 

In other words, I need to exercise.  Badly.  I'm going to try those magical exercise beans again soon, but not today, for it is my birthday. 

And the cake is not a lie. 

(Oh, and eating 2x every die roll worth of jellybeans?  Overkill even for fatties.  I'll stick to 1x, especially since I ate jellybeans every time I rolled.) 

(Subtle fat joke there, with the "rolled".) 

Also, I now own my first Xbox ever thanks to my girlfriend, who is the best girlfriend.  I couldn't play PC games while biking, but perhaps I could play console games.  Leaning over the handlebars to reach a keyboard and mouse is much harder than holding a controller--and I have a few RPGs, too, which don't exactly require laser accuracy while playing.  Perhaps this is actually how I'll lose weight--no Xbox without first working out. 

While playing Xbox. 

I'm correct in thinking everyone agrees with me on this, aren't I?  "You can bridge the gap between fat Peter and fit Peter by using jellybeans and RPGs" is how the soon-to-be-written adage goes, right?